i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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