Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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