dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
