why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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