It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
