where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
