How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
