The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
