We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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