I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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