I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
