there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize