Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
