you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
