Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
