@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
