Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
