I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
