Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
