we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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