A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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