Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
