i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
