Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
