I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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