how can u be prego again
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
