I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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