It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
