I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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