he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
