I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
