why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Someone shit on the floor
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
