It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
