i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
