I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize