im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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