i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
