How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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