there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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