I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
