If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
