just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drunk is not a location!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
