Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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