our cab driver is having phone sex.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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