Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
