is your mom at the bar?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
