I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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