A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
