your thong is hanging out like whoa
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Panties = found
Randomize
