I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
