just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
