i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize