just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
