I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
