Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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