Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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