I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
