I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
