Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
