What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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