Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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