Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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