I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
