just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
