Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
