when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
