I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You've changed since you got that strap on
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
