Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
