he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
