break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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