Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
