How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
