I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
