sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
