I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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