Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
