____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
