it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Randomize
