our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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