Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
